HOW TO BE A SOFT BAE ENTRY 1: IS THIS THE END OF A BAD BITCH ERA??!

I've been wondering… can we really shift eras as women? Or are we allowing the algorithm to tell us the women we should be in order to be seen and heard? I’ve had this thought… What if I, and other women, don’t want to live up to the idea of being a ‘Baddie’? Is it possible to give an alternative to the ‘Baddie’ era? Is it possible to shift an era to being soft, sensual, vulnerable and brand it as a ‘Soft Bae’?

I know some of you may question why it even matters. And honestly I don’t know. It’s a feeling that I want to represent a woman who’s becoming. A woman who’s boss mentality is more of a safety and confidence to be their authentic version of themselves. A woman who’s not afraid of saying the wrong thing or doing the wrong thing because they understand that their value doesn’t change when they make mistakes. She doesn’t feel the need to say the right thing, in the right way, to be validated. She wants to be herself. Whether that’s wrong, right, or somewhere in between. 

What if I want to see more Black women feel safe being vulnerable with who they are… without the performance to be seen? Presently, it feels as though the only way to be seen is if you’re pretentious, reactionary, and performative. Do I have the ability to create, curate, and cultivate a wave where being safe to be yourself is sexy, attractive, and alluring? Are we able to unlearn that we as black women don’t have to carry the weight of having to compare, compete, and be validated to feel valuable and assured?

Don't get me wrong, I can see the effects of the “Baddie” or “Bad Bitch” era. I see there's been black women who have established themselves as independent go-getters, accomplishing their goals and dreams. I've seen a level of empowerment within women.. being secure within their style, boss-like mentality, and overall their self-assurance. 

However, I've also seen an influence of the performative measures of upkeeping a lifestyle of luxury. It's the idea that your value as a baddie, comes from what you attain, how you look, and your accolades. Then there's the idea that if a man can't take you on trips and buy you whatever you can fathom… are you truly considered a baddie?

Being a Soft Bae is stepping away from the idea of being validated by what you do, what you have, what you can get, and what you've accomplished. It's truly sitting in the awareness of your existence presently. It's being confident in knowing I'm HER with or without.. luxury, money, outside validation, and status. It's knowing even in the discomfort of self-doubt and insecurities, that you are STILL HER.

It challenges the idea that confidence means never sitting in discomfort. But we are multi-dimensional, and we're meant to have emotions to feel. So suppressing it or acting as if it's a non-factor feeds into the performative, survival mode that we want to evolve from.

A Soft Bae is not performing for validation.

She is rooted in her existence.

She knows she is HER—with or without the lifestyle, the labels, or the applause. Essentially it isn't about becoming a “Soft Bae”, maybe it's about returning to who you were before you felt the need to perform.