What Ain’t Clicking, Sis? | When You Keep Getting the Same Lesson

Hey Sis,

It’s been a revealing past week, to say the least. Same patterns, just a different day. I’m running into the same issues no matter how many people I distance or cut out of my life. So let’s just say that it comes to a point where I have to look at the woman in the mirror and say “Okay, sis.. What ain’t clicking”, “What is it that you aren’t getting”? Or in the words of Drake “What did I miss?”

It’s a reason that I keep finding myself dealing with the same “need to be seen” ass people. People that use my energy because I can sympathize and empathize with wanting to be seen and heard. Shit.. I want to be seen and heard. I’m tired of people only seeing me as whatever makes them feel less intimidated by me and more comfortable about themselves. Sis, if I have to learn how to see myself, love myself, acknowledge myself, and be okay with knowing that I may be the only one who does, then so can they.

I’m no longer in the business of being used in these one-sided codependency arrangements. Arrangements that I didn’t agree to. Arrangements that I thought were supposed to be reciprocated. Instead, time and time again I find people gravitating to me all for the purpose of using my energy. “But Melissa, they can’t use anything from you that you don’t allow. So what’s going on, sis?” That’s the answer that I’m waiting to be revealed to me. Not find, but revealed. I think my need for searching and getting results is why I’m constantly asking this question.

This time I’m attempting something different by continuing my journey into my flow. For me, that means, I’m focusing on myself and what allows me to flow into my purpose. Due to me not focusing on me I’ve regressed in the way I eat and I haven’t been as intentional with my workouts either. I’ve even lost the hobbies and things I love to do leisurely because I’m usually the only one who’s interested in what I like to do. So what does that mean? That means this allows me the opportunity to do more with myself, like solo dates and engagements. I’ve been saying I was going to do this for a while but have yet to do so. So what better opportunity.

But maybe that’s the lesson — every mirror moment is a reminder that I’m still becoming.

I think it’s time to go deeper with myself, choose me over anyone else right now, regardless of how it may make others feel. I deserve it and I realize that I’m going to continue to attract the same people if I don’t start to prioritize myself. I can start by having my D’Angelo celebration of life gathering, lol. Listen.. His passing left an impact. Don’t judge and let me be great and grieve as a fan. Seriously, though, I posed the idea to others but it didn’t come to fruition. So does that mean for me not to do it? I’ll have it with a nice spread of appetizers, a signature cocktail, maybe a hookah as I listen to D’Angelo melodic vocals take me away. 

This is what it means to show up. This is what it means to be true to yourself. It’s having the confidence and courage to create and hold the space for yourself, when others can’t. Truthfully, I’m expecting these individuals to do something for me that they can’t do for themselves. Hence, why they’re usually codependent because they need others to make them feel needed, supported, SEEN. 

But maybe that’s the lesson — every mirror moment is a reminder that I’m still becoming.

Everyday I make a conscious decision to connect with my feminine energy, everyday I become closer and closer to who I am. And in doing so, I understand that I’m falling victim to my own handicaps of believing these people even want to see who I am. I’m simply someone that they can depend on, whether it’s depending on me to see them in the light that makes them important or hear them when they feel like their needs and pain isn’t being heard. 

It’s time that I use my energy for me, and see in myself the way I see in others.

It’s time that I use my energy for me, and see in myself the way I see in others. It’s time for me to hear my needs and put myself forward. That’s the only way I can continue to live in flow. “This is my soft era of self-prioritization. I’m reclaiming my energy for me — no more supporting roles, no more performing. I’m the main character now. In the words of Mya, ‘It’s all about me, me, me, me, me.’ 

Take a moment to sit with what came up for you while reading this letter. Ask yourself:

1. Where have I been giving my energy away without realizing it?

2. Do I overextend myself in relationships to feel seen or valued?

3. How can I begin to pour that same love and validation into myself?

4. What solo ritual can I do this week that’s just for me?

5. What does “being the main character in my life” look like in action?

💫 Write your answers down or voice note them — what you feel, you can heal.