DEAR SIS.. "WHATEVER IT IS, LET IT BE.."

Sis this week I’m continuing with my flow. My flow of being a stay at home mother and wife while flowing into  my new chapter of becoming a feminine energy coach. While I’m flowing I’ve discovered a few things…

The need to have and find answers is a lot of what prohibits my flow. I don’t know if it’s being constantly taught to figure it out, find a solution, or find an answer that’s hindered my ability to live in flow. Or if it’s my lack of patience to allow the answer to reveal itself in its divine timing. Whichever it is, I’m now realizing that sometimes it’s okay for me to be okay with not having it all figured out. It’s okay if  I don’t have the answers right at that moment. I’m realizing that oftentimes when I steadily seek the answers is when I won’t get it.

Why, you ask? Because it feels as though I veer further and further from the answer. Have you ever experienced going hard trying to figure out a solution: maybe a math problem, or how to operate a device or game, only to realize the answer was right there all along because it was that simple? Or were you ever looking for something, I mean you tore up your whole house trying to find whatever it was you were trying to find, only to look in the same spot you looked before and it was right there staring at you?

Sometimes when you are too busy finding, moving, pushing, and forcing the answer we’re also getting further and further away from it. Or maybe we’re too misguided to see it. That’s the lesson that’s steadily playing in my ear like the voice of Jill Scott repeating “Let it be, let it be.. Whatever it is, let it be”. And I’m finally letting go so I can let it be.

 “Can you do it all”, they ask and I say yes you can but in moderation, balance, and flow.

I’ve also discovered that flow has to have a level of structure. Where I thought that structure was a way to confine me and trap me, it’s actually been the opposite. Structure has allowed me to lessen the overwhelm of going and doing, even at times with no thoughts or intentions behind it. Sometimes I feel like I’m just on autopilot and doing what I am supposed to do and forgetting the meaning and purpose behind it.

I decided to create a schedule for myself. I know, I know, sis. Some of you are saying right now in your head “Me and schedule don’t fit. I have to go with the flow”. But that’s precisely what I came to understand. I’ve been going “with the flow” of my mind and not in flow with my alignment. Whatever pops up in my mind to do, that’s what I did but the mind will forget about taking out time for me. Sometimes it’s not even a second thought because, “I have so many other things I need to do that have to get done at this very moment.. I don’t have time to dilly dally”. This is what my logical, reasoning, mind is saying while leaving no room for what the heart and the soul needs. Now I’m dealing with the repetitive cycle of the “burn out” phase. Leading me to have to start all over again but I’m not doing anything differently. But this time I am. This time I’m going to create a schedule where I prioritize myself, my business, and my family. “Can you do it all”, they ask and I say yes you can but in moderation, balance, and flow.

This schedule has given me free time I thought I could never have. I was like “HOW SWAY” in my Kanye voice. But I can also admit it wasn’t easy initially.

That’s a lot of the reasons why my attempts on creating a schedule didn't follow through initially because I wasn’t taking in the idea that I might have to adjust and tweak some things until I get acclimated. I thought I was going to go from allowing my mind to control things and I was just going to be able to step in and say “HEY HEY… I got it from here” and she was just going to passively adhere. Who? Her? My mind? No mam’. She was used to running things and that’s the way she wanted to keep it. “This is what we know. This is how we’ve always done things. What if it doesn’t work again?”

If it doesn’t work at first, then we’ll figure out what needs to be adjusted so it does work. For the first two weeks it was most certainly trying. I completed maybe one task on my schedule. Mindy (my name for my mind lol), had other plans and wanted to prioritize what she thought I should be doing over what was on the schedule. So I had to negotiate with Mindy and tell her that we’ll do that if we have time but we have to do what’s on the schedule first and that helped settle her by the time we were in week three. Now at times Mindy wanted to do Wednesday on Tuesday to if she felt like we had free time to get it out of the way. So I had to remind Mindy that the point of a schedule is to make time to have free time to relax, read, create. What’s the point if we’re going to take the opportunity to do more work. 

Remember structure isn’t here to control you. Work isn’t here to burden you. The answers are within you and you don’t have to find them. The answers aren’t hiding, they’re simply waiting to be revealed. The structure isn't to control you but rather to hold space for you. And work isn’t to burden you but to work for you.

It’s been an adventure and lesson but I’ve been able to be intentional, slow down, and flow. I have more time to reflect, create and put into myself. I can even see how slowing down has helped my health journey. I cook way more. I’m present when I’m walking or doing my yoga. It’s like I’m in the practice, not just doing it. I even have a more positive outlook and when I don’t it’s easier to shift to a more positive outlook. I just feel much more in flow. I follow my go-to’s practices such as yoga or meditation, when I’m feeling stressed and overwhelmed. It used to be a resistance to ease out of my anxiety but it comes more naturally.

Everything has its purpose. This month’s theme in the Soft n’ Black Collective is ‘Her Balance and Flow’ and I’m seeing the balance in my life in creating structure to allow the answers and solutions to flow on in. I’m feeling more and more connected with my feminine energy now that I’ve.. you can kind of say, now that I’m  balancing my feminine energy with my masculine energy. Of course I know there will be my ups and downs but I’m challenging myself to be able to maintain the balance.. That’s like my peace.

I’ve been seriously thinking of leaving the whole “soft woman era”, “soft girl era” behind and redefining my era as a “Woman in flow” because that’s essentially what I’ve been seeking unbeknownst to me. I feel when you’re able to really live, be in your softness or your soft era is when you flow.. Within and without. “As above, so below”. It’s all about flow. Letting it flow out so it can flow back in. Like your blood flows from the heart to the rest of your body back to the heart. Or how the air flows into your body when you inhale and back out when you exhale to back in. It’s natural, without force, effortlessly..being the primary sources of your physical existence. It’s important without trying to be… breathing, pumping. That’s what I see for myself being a soft and black woman. I’m important, strong, without proving it and in return I don’t have to force, struggle, survive. I can live, flow and thrive.

Remember structure isn’t here to control you. Work isn’t here to burden you. The answers are within you and you don’t have to find them. The answers aren’t hiding, they’re simply waiting to be revealed. The structure isn't to control you but rather to hold space for you. And work isn’t to burden you but to work for you.

Affirm that “I am a woman in flow.”

My femininity is soft n black because I'm Divine By Design.

What does flow feel and look like to you? What’s preventing you from having flow in your life?