HOW TO BE A SOFT BAE : "USE YOUR FEMININE WOO"

HOW TO USE YOUR FEMININE WOO

At what point did we start believing that being a woman—being feminine—wasn’t powerful?

Like really think about it.

When did our softness, our sensuality, our presence…become something we felt like we had to work around instead of lean into?

Because somewhere along the way, especially as Black women, we started treating our feminine “woo” like it was a disadvantage… instead of the very thing that makes us powerful.

And instead of understanding it, we started measuring ourselves against men. Matching their tone. Matching their energy. Trying to prove that we were just as strong, just as worthy, just as valuable.

But here’s the truth…

We were never lacking power. We just weren’t taught how to use the kind we naturally have.

I remember the first time I got slapped by a boy.

And before you say anything—yes, my mouth was reckless when I was mad. I’m not even going to sit here and act like I wasn’t talking crazy. 😭Even, though that doesn't justify me getting slapped.

But I remember being called out of my name and immediately jumping in his face like I had something to prove. Like I had to show him I wasn’t the one, And my mother used to always tell me, “Stop getting in boys’ faces like that.” At the time, I thought she meant, be quiet… or don’t stand up for yourself. But what she really meant was…you don’t have the same physical power, so don’t try to fight them like you do. And she wasn’t wrong. But what she didn’t teach me was…how to respond when a man disrespects you without becoming him.

So there I was—standing in front of him, angry, trying to prove a point…and he slapped me.

And I remember feeling embarrassed… violated… and even more disrespected than I did before.

Because all that “standing up for myself” didn’t get me respect. It just escalated the situation.

And if I’m being real… a lot of us were never taught what to do in those moments. We were taught how to defend ourselves. But not how to carry ourselves in a way that commands respect without force. So we adapted. We got louder. More guarded. More aggressive.

Photo Courtesy of JIG Media Films. Dress and Heels from Fashion Nova

Not because that’s who we naturally are…but because that’s what felt necessary to protect ourselves.

And over time, we started believing that our femininity—our softness—was the thing holding us back.

That it made us weak. That it made us easy to play with. That it made people take us less seriously.

But the truth is…

It was never our feminine woo that held us back. We just didn’t know how to use it.

Because let’s be real for a second… We were taught how to attract a man. How to keep a man. How to appeal to a man. But were we ever taught how to be respected by one? And those are not the same thing.

Because seduction might get attention…but it doesn’t automatically get respect. So now we’re out here frustrated. Feeling like we have to fight to be heard. Fight to be valued. Fight to be taken seriously.

And sometimes, without even realizing it, we’re trying to gain power and respect the way men define it.

Suppressing our emotions. Masking our vulnerability. Hardening ourselves just to be seen as “strong.”

But what if that was never the assignment? What if our power doesn’t look like force at all?

What if our power is in how we carry ourselves?

See, feminine woo isn’t loud. It’s not forceful. It’s not demanding. It’s subtle… but it’s strong.

It’s the woman who can stand in her truth without raising her voice. The woman who doesn’t have to prove her value… because she already knows it. The woman who doesn’t react out of emotion… but responds with intention. It’s not manipulation. It’s not performance. It’s presence. It’s wholeness. It’s authenticity. And because of that… it doesn’t have to fight to be respected.

So what does it actually look like to use your feminine woo? Not in theory… but in real life?

It looks like this:

You speak clearly—without trying to overpower anyone. You don’t need to be loud to be heard. You just need to be grounded in what you’re saying.

You set boundaries—without anger or guilt. Your “no” doesn’t come with an explanation or apology. It just… is.

And you stay rooted in yourself. You’re not adjusting who you are to be accepted. You’re allowing people to meet you where you are—or not at all.

Because here’s the part we don’t talk about enough… A lot of the frustration we have with men isn’t just about them. It’s about us trying to get something from them…in a way that was never aligned with who we are. We’re trying to be respected in a language that isn’t ours. And maybe… just maybe… our power is so natural, so divine, so us… that it was never meant to be explained. Only embodied.

So the real question isn’t: “How do I get them to respect me?”

It’s: “What does it look like when I fully respect myself… and move like it?”

Because you don’t have to fight to be respected. You don’t have to harden yourself to be taken seriously. And you definitely don’t have to become something you’re not just to feel powerful. Your femininity was never the problem, sis. You just weren’t taught how to use it.

💭 Let me ask you this…

Have you ever felt like you had to step outside of yourself just to be taken seriously?

And what would it look like if you didn’t?

If this spoke to you, you already know…this is just the beginning.